"How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie

So I read this 'bible' of self-help books, and I guess I was expecting too much but I wasn't too impressed. At least in the other book about conquering worry Dale talks about some novel concepts (to me) about surrendering your worries to higher powers, having long term perspective, etc. This book seems to me to be about stating common sense and obvious things and some things which are common knowledge, mixed with some sales techniques, which some people might find dubious, as they can be used even if the person using them is insincere.


I didn't like the numbering and groupings of concepts like "three techniques in handling people", "nine ways to change people" etc. I like the format, of stating a technique or principle, and then telling stories about how people have used them, though sometimes it takes an effort to relate them. It is obvious that many years of research and experience went into the book, and the groupings of principles probably came from Dale organizing his notes about different people's ways of doing a certain thing. I find it hard to believe that any of the people mentioned in the book uses ALL of the principles and techniques explained, a subset of them in the best case probably.


Many of the techniques could be derided as subtle (or not so subtle) forms of manipulation, like how to get people to think your idea is actually theirs, how to make them do what you want to without arousing resentment, how to take (or pretend to take?) genuine interest in their private lives and use that to put them at ease for whatever goal you have. Of course, these principles can be used by a well intentioned person, but also the way is free for them to be used by an unscrupulous manipulator. Honestly, to me many of the techniques looked like a bunch of hypocrisy, pretending and outright lying. Dale says it is not pretending if you genuinely mean it, but then again who genuinly likes and takes deep interest in ALL the people they meet?

I like the ideas of trying to see the situation from the other's person point of view and how everyone is always 100% sure they are right, and how one should avoid direct arguments, or contradicting people, even if they are blatantly wrong, but should always leave a door open for them to 'save face'. Also the idea that people mostly like to talk about the most important thing in the world to them - themselves, is useful, and one should be a good listener and let them talk.

I listened to this book in audio format and I wish the summaries of each section were separate files which one can re-listen to every once in a while, without needing to go through the whole book with all the stories and examples. All in all an interesting book, and gives you a good foundation, but I am of the opinion that there are many better books today for personal growth and people skills. However, this one was the first.