"Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment" by Tal Ben-Shahar

This book was recommended to my by my therapist whom I value, so I had very big expectations about it. The expectations were mostly correct! It will not automatically make you happier, but will give you insights into many mechanisms and patterns that most people are blindly repeating all of their lives. The author has drawn on Freud and Frankl for the theories of the primary motivation of man, stating that both 'pleasure' i.e. immediate gratification, and 'meaning' i.e. future gratification are necessary for a meaningful life. As an admirer of both greatest psychologists of our time, I think the author does a very good job in combining their teachings into one congruent whole.

As the author teaches the 'Positive Psychology' course at Harvard, the book is largely a primer of positive psychology, which is something that makes it even better and adds to its value. Unlike the regular psychology which deals with people with problems, anxieties, phobias, etc. positive psychology studies the virtues, happy, elevated mental states of people.

The author uses the hamburger principle to differentiate 4 different types of people: rat racers (sacrifices present happiness for future gratification - vegetarian hamburger), hedonists (sacrifices future happiness for present gratification - fatty hamburger), nihilist (stuck in the past, no present or future gratification expected - whatever hamburger) and happy people , the happy hamburger which gives both present and future gratification. It is a very catchy and memorable classification. Add to this the lasagna principle (author's favorite food) which says that although something might be the most favorite (lasagna) and important thing in the world to us, we still cannot do/think/be that the whole time, but we need a break and variety.

I found the metaphor of happiness as the 'ultimate currency' very insightful and true. We get stuck into pursuing material wealth and prestige and forget why we are doing all that - to be happy. If we start seeing happiness as the ultimate goal and not money or power or social standing then our priorities change and we become true to our core self. Also the author points out the difference between positive happiness, something that happened that made us genuinely happy, and negative happiness, when we are happy because some hardship is over, like in the case of the rat-racers achieving a hard-won goal or position.

The authors insight that self-discipline is extremely hard to do, and in order to change ourselves we need to introduce habits by ritualizing the things we want to adopt is eye-opening! If we start doing something because we know it is good for us, we cannot keep on doing it for long, like new years resolution as we fall back into our old habits, and there is nobody to blame for it, as it is human nature. No amount of will power and self discipline will help that. However if we introduce a new habit, by patiently ritualize a behavior, very specifically done at very specific time then the habit starts to change us from within. The author also attacks the myth of 'no pain - no gain' as completely untrue, hardship is not necessary for success and happiness, because we are most productive just bellow the level of hardship, and the statement that people work best under pressure is a myth.

The author also explains the concept of 'flow' when we are fully immersed in something that is interesting and gratifying that we lose concept of time. Being in 'flow' is the most gratifying state of mind for a human being. Whatever we do when in 'flow' is gratifying on both pleasure level for immediate gratification and meaning level for future gratification. He also emphasizes that having goals is a pre-requisite for experiencing 'flow' and those goals need to be 'self-concordant' to stem from our inner core and be meaningful to us. Flow is experienced much more at work than during leisure time, and the author speaks against the stigma of work which is mostly seen as a kind of punishment. The author differentiates amongst three types of employment: 1. a job, meaningless, only there for the money, can't wait for the weekend 2. a career, promotion and advance are primary motivators, not much pleasure in the job itself and 3. a calling, the work itself is a reward enough and pleasure, even without any additional rewards.

This book is one of the best self-help books I've ever read, and I've read many, many. It is short, to the point, replete with practical exercises and sound advice, and best of all, it is not an airy teaching of some eastern guru or new age quack, but solid science, psychology based on scientific research and peer-reviewed literature.