This book was recommended to my by my therapist whom I value, so I had very big expectations about it. The expectations were mostly correct! It will not automatically make you happier, but will give you insights into many mechanisms and patterns that most people are blindly repeating all of their lives. The author has drawn on Freud and Frankl for the theories of the primary motivation of man, stating that both 'pleasure' i.e. immediate gratification, and 'meaning' i.e. future gratification are necessary for a meaningful life. As an admirer of both greatest psychologists of our time, I think the author does a very good job in combining their teachings into one congruent whole.
As the author teaches the 'Positive Psychology' course at Harvard, the book is largely a primer of positive psychology, which is something that makes it even better and adds to its value. Unlike the regular psychology which deals with people with problems, anxieties, phobias, etc. positive psychology studies the virtues, happy, elevated mental states of people.
The author uses the hamburger principle to differentiate 4 different types of people: rat racers (sacrifices present happiness for future gratification - vegetarian hamburger), hedonists (sacrifices future happiness for present gratification - fatty hamburger), nihilist (stuck in the past, no present or future gratification expected - whatever hamburger) and happy people , the happy hamburger which gives both present and future gratification. It is a very catchy and memorable classification. Add to this the lasagna principle (author's favorite food) which says that although something might be the most favorite (lasagna) and important thing in the world to us, we still cannot do/think/be that the whole time, but we need a break and variety.
I found the metaphor of happiness as the 'ultimate currency' very insightful and true. We get stuck into pursuing material wealth and prestige and forget why we are doing all that - to be happy. If we start seeing happiness as the ultimate goal and not money or power or social standing then our priorities change and we become true to our core self. Also the author points out the difference between positive happiness, something that happened that made us genuinely happy, and negative happiness, when we are happy because some hardship is over, like in the case of the rat-racers achieving a hard-won goal or position.
The authors insight that self-discipline is extremely hard to do, and in order to change ourselves we need to introduce habits by ritualizing the things we want to adopt is eye-opening! If we start doing something because we know it is good for us, we cannot keep on doing it for long, like new years resolution as we fall back into our old habits, and there is nobody to blame for it, as it is human nature. No amount of will power and self discipline will help that. However if we introduce a new habit, by patiently ritualize a behavior, very specifically done at very specific time then the habit starts to change us from within. The author also attacks the myth of 'no pain - no gain' as completely untrue, hardship is not necessary for success and happiness, because we are most productive just bellow the level of hardship, and the statement that people work best under pressure is a myth.
The author also explains the concept of 'flow' when we are fully immersed in something that is interesting and gratifying that we lose concept of time. Being in 'flow' is the most gratifying state of mind for a human being. Whatever we do when in 'flow' is gratifying on both pleasure level for immediate gratification and meaning level for future gratification. He also emphasizes that having goals is a pre-requisite for experiencing 'flow' and those goals need to be 'self-concordant' to stem from our inner core and be meaningful to us. Flow is experienced much more at work than during leisure time, and the author speaks against the stigma of work which is mostly seen as a kind of punishment. The author differentiates amongst three types of employment: 1. a job, meaningless, only there for the money, can't wait for the weekend 2. a career, promotion and advance are primary motivators, not much pleasure in the job itself and 3. a calling, the work itself is a reward enough and pleasure, even without any additional rewards.
This book is one of the best self-help books I've ever read, and I've read many, many. It is short, to the point, replete with practical exercises and sound advice, and best of all, it is not an airy teaching of some eastern guru or new age quack, but solid science, psychology based on scientific research and peer-reviewed literature.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
"Gandhi An Autobiography: The Story of My Experiments With Truth" by Mohandas Karamchand (Mahatma) Gandhi
I must preface this by saying that Gandhi is one of the three men that I respect more than anything in the world. The other two are Jung and Einstein. I believe these three men have given more to humanity than any living soul in the last 100 years. I am trying to educate and familiarize myself with every little detail of their lives, with their background, all the writings etc. just to be in a position to better understand their ideas and worldviews.
This book is very important for gleaning the real Gandhi. It is not an autobiography in the standard sense of that word, i.e. as a chronological presentation of events and people. Gandhi skips over large periods of his life, like the struggle in South Africa, and although he does present the events chronologically, it doesn't put equal emphasis on all of them. He talks in length about his veganism, the need to be without desires (brahmacharya) and not hurting any living being (ahimsa), and goes in depth about the different religious exploration and his final conclusion that the supreme God to which everything is subordinated is The Truth. One needs to spend one's life being completely truthful to oneself and to the others.
We learn a bit about Mahatma's early life, how he was married early, about his schooling in India and the subsequent trip to get a barrister (law) degree in England "because it is cheaper, easier, and takes less time." The accounts of his first trip to South Africa and about are very powerful, as he describes the inrooted racism and discrimination within the apartheid society, which sound even more striking when told by Mahatma's calm, compassionate and forgiving voice. He truly practiced what he preached and loved his enemies and felt sorry for them even though when he was physically abused and forced out of a first class compartment because he was a 'koolie' a colored person, and when he wasn't allowed inside a stage coach with the white passengers, but had to sit next to the coachman, outside.
Although there are much better books to learn about Mahatma's life and also the wonderful film, this is a very important book, written directly by The Great Soul himself and explaining the roots of his ideas and behaviors in his own words.
This book is very important for gleaning the real Gandhi. It is not an autobiography in the standard sense of that word, i.e. as a chronological presentation of events and people. Gandhi skips over large periods of his life, like the struggle in South Africa, and although he does present the events chronologically, it doesn't put equal emphasis on all of them. He talks in length about his veganism, the need to be without desires (brahmacharya) and not hurting any living being (ahimsa), and goes in depth about the different religious exploration and his final conclusion that the supreme God to which everything is subordinated is The Truth. One needs to spend one's life being completely truthful to oneself and to the others.
We learn a bit about Mahatma's early life, how he was married early, about his schooling in India and the subsequent trip to get a barrister (law) degree in England "because it is cheaper, easier, and takes less time." The accounts of his first trip to South Africa and about are very powerful, as he describes the inrooted racism and discrimination within the apartheid society, which sound even more striking when told by Mahatma's calm, compassionate and forgiving voice. He truly practiced what he preached and loved his enemies and felt sorry for them even though when he was physically abused and forced out of a first class compartment because he was a 'koolie' a colored person, and when he wasn't allowed inside a stage coach with the white passengers, but had to sit next to the coachman, outside.
Although there are much better books to learn about Mahatma's life and also the wonderful film, this is a very important book, written directly by The Great Soul himself and explaining the roots of his ideas and behaviors in his own words.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
"Of Love and Other Demons" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
I am not sure if I can claim that I have read this book, but I have listened to the radio drama adaptation by BBC radio, and as this is the only book which Marquez has ever allowed to be adapted in such a way, my only guess is that it should be pretty truthful to the book itself.
Marquez is a master story teller, and this one is no exception, although shorter than his other novels at about 160 pages. The story starts with an excavation in a Latin American country to make way for a shopping mall build on top of an ancient monastery when bones of a young girl are discovered deep underground in one of the prison cells. Then one of the excavators recognizes the remains as that of which his grandmother told him of the beautiful and damned Maria Cierva. Cierva was a daughter of a spanish nobleman and half-indian woman, spent her childhood living with the black slaves and learned their language and ways. When she is bitten bya a rabid dog she is thought to be possesed by the devil, and a young, book-loving priest is sent to exorcise her. However the young priest falls in love with the beautiful girl and she falls in love with him, although less than half his age.
This love doesn't go undiscovered and unpunished by the Bishop and with the help of the strict monastery's chief nun. The young priest is send to a leper colony as a punishment and the bishop takes upon himself to perform the exorcism. However the priest finds secret tunnels by which he visits Cierva Maria every night and they profess their love until one day the chief nun finds the tunnel and closes it. Soon after Cierva Maria dies during the barbaric exorcism rites or from the torture in her cell, and the young priest spends the rest of his life in the leper colony.
A beautiful love story from a master story teller, and strong political activist, Gabo Garcia Marquez.
Marquez is a master story teller, and this one is no exception, although shorter than his other novels at about 160 pages. The story starts with an excavation in a Latin American country to make way for a shopping mall build on top of an ancient monastery when bones of a young girl are discovered deep underground in one of the prison cells. Then one of the excavators recognizes the remains as that of which his grandmother told him of the beautiful and damned Maria Cierva. Cierva was a daughter of a spanish nobleman and half-indian woman, spent her childhood living with the black slaves and learned their language and ways. When she is bitten bya a rabid dog she is thought to be possesed by the devil, and a young, book-loving priest is sent to exorcise her. However the young priest falls in love with the beautiful girl and she falls in love with him, although less than half his age.
This love doesn't go undiscovered and unpunished by the Bishop and with the help of the strict monastery's chief nun. The young priest is send to a leper colony as a punishment and the bishop takes upon himself to perform the exorcism. However the priest finds secret tunnels by which he visits Cierva Maria every night and they profess their love until one day the chief nun finds the tunnel and closes it. Soon after Cierva Maria dies during the barbaric exorcism rites or from the torture in her cell, and the young priest spends the rest of his life in the leper colony.
A beautiful love story from a master story teller, and strong political activist, Gabo Garcia Marquez.
"Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl
I must say that I sabotaged my own experience of this book. I was so impressed by logotherapy as reading the other books of Dr.Frankl, I left this one for last, as his most famous book, in order to enjoy it more aided by the fire of expectation. The book was excellent. The part about the concentration camp was deep, moving, genuine and insightful. The detached and in the same time compassionate voice with which Dr.Frankl describes his sufferings, the sufferings of his fellow men, the sadistic behavior of the Kappos, and his psychological explanation of their reactions, his analysis of the guards, the desensitization and mechanisms of dominance and will to torture other human beings are fascinating.
There is much written about concentration camps, most of it forgotten in the 21st century, and much was written from the first person perspective, from the inmates, the lucky few who survived, but there is no other account written by one of the fathers of modern Psychology and the founder of the third school of Viennese psychotherapy, Dr.Viktor Frankl. He is able, if only for a few moments, to abstract himself from his daily torture, the numbing cold, the bone cracking forced labor, the few scraps of food, the cramped freezing quarters, the complete lack of means for personal hygiene, and to rise above it and observe the psychological mechanisms at work, some for coping, some for dying.
Dr. Frankl notices first hand that the will for life equates with the will to meaning. Whoever of the inmates had perceived their lives as having meaning, usually surviving to see a love one, or to perform a task after the war, no matter how mundane, those people would find strength to survive, to somehow extract yet another ounce of energy from their starved, beaten, bruised, wounded, skeleton-like bodies and go on. On the other hand the people who gave up were the people who could not see any meaning at all, nothing to live for, nothing to continue the torture for. These people could be recognized, Dr.Frankl says, because they were smoking their cigarettes, which in the camp were used only as currency for obtaining food or clothing, and only the Kappos and guards would smoke them.
It is from these experiences that Dr.Frankl solidifies his theory of logotherapy which he started to develop already before the war and it is here that he coins the main maxim of logotherapy that life has a meaning under ANY circumstances.
I was a bit dissapointed by the second part, since I was expecting a more in-depth explanation of logotherapy, but by the very nature of the essay it is short, concise and does not go into many issues and concepts in the necessary depth. It is a very good introduction to logotherapy, but having already read several full-length books on the subject by Dr.Frankl I did not extract too much value from it.
It is often mentioned that this book was ranked as one of the 10 most influential books of the XX century by the reader's survey of the Library of Congress. I was never able to obtain the survey and the ranking, so I don't know which are the other 9 books, but this book is definitely a required reading for every human being on this planet.
There is much written about concentration camps, most of it forgotten in the 21st century, and much was written from the first person perspective, from the inmates, the lucky few who survived, but there is no other account written by one of the fathers of modern Psychology and the founder of the third school of Viennese psychotherapy, Dr.Viktor Frankl. He is able, if only for a few moments, to abstract himself from his daily torture, the numbing cold, the bone cracking forced labor, the few scraps of food, the cramped freezing quarters, the complete lack of means for personal hygiene, and to rise above it and observe the psychological mechanisms at work, some for coping, some for dying.
Dr. Frankl notices first hand that the will for life equates with the will to meaning. Whoever of the inmates had perceived their lives as having meaning, usually surviving to see a love one, or to perform a task after the war, no matter how mundane, those people would find strength to survive, to somehow extract yet another ounce of energy from their starved, beaten, bruised, wounded, skeleton-like bodies and go on. On the other hand the people who gave up were the people who could not see any meaning at all, nothing to live for, nothing to continue the torture for. These people could be recognized, Dr.Frankl says, because they were smoking their cigarettes, which in the camp were used only as currency for obtaining food or clothing, and only the Kappos and guards would smoke them.
It is from these experiences that Dr.Frankl solidifies his theory of logotherapy which he started to develop already before the war and it is here that he coins the main maxim of logotherapy that life has a meaning under ANY circumstances.
I was a bit dissapointed by the second part, since I was expecting a more in-depth explanation of logotherapy, but by the very nature of the essay it is short, concise and does not go into many issues and concepts in the necessary depth. It is a very good introduction to logotherapy, but having already read several full-length books on the subject by Dr.Frankl I did not extract too much value from it.
It is often mentioned that this book was ranked as one of the 10 most influential books of the XX century by the reader's survey of the Library of Congress. I was never able to obtain the survey and the ranking, so I don't know which are the other 9 books, but this book is definitely a required reading for every human being on this planet.
"Make Yourself Unforgettable: The Dale Carnegie Class-Act System" by The Dale Carnegie Organization
Well, since I read the other two cornerstone Dale Carnegie books, I saw this one as also available in audio format and I thought I will read this one as well, as I have the habit to read everything I can get from an author I like. However this 'book' is not even written by Dale, but by his business legacy the DLO, and is basically a re-hash of his books. Not much new to be learned if you've already read the other books, but if you are lazy it summarizes the most practical and workable points on 6 CDs.
It is well organized and easily internalized for the first time reader of Dale's books. I've also heard that the DLO has a training course, aimed mostly at sales people, that follows this pattern. This CD set was first issued in 2006, so it includes all the new realities like the dot.com bust, the post 911 world, etc.
It is well organized and easily internalized for the first time reader of Dale's books. I've also heard that the DLO has a training course, aimed mostly at sales people, that follows this pattern. This CD set was first issued in 2006, so it includes all the new realities like the dot.com bust, the post 911 world, etc.
"How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie
So I read this 'bible' of self-help books, and I guess I was expecting too much but I wasn't too impressed. At least in the other book about conquering worry Dale talks about some novel concepts (to me) about surrendering your worries to higher powers, having long term perspective, etc. This book seems to me to be about stating common sense and obvious things and some things which are common knowledge, mixed with some sales techniques, which some people might find dubious, as they can be used even if the person using them is insincere.
I didn't like the numbering and groupings of concepts like "three techniques in handling people", "nine ways to change people" etc. I like the format, of stating a technique or principle, and then telling stories about how people have used them, though sometimes it takes an effort to relate them. It is obvious that many years of research and experience went into the book, and the groupings of principles probably came from Dale organizing his notes about different people's ways of doing a certain thing. I find it hard to believe that any of the people mentioned in the book uses ALL of the principles and techniques explained, a subset of them in the best case probably.
Many of the techniques could be derided as subtle (or not so subtle) forms of manipulation, like how to get people to think your idea is actually theirs, how to make them do what you want to without arousing resentment, how to take (or pretend to take?) genuine interest in their private lives and use that to put them at ease for whatever goal you have. Of course, these principles can be used by a well intentioned person, but also the way is free for them to be used by an unscrupulous manipulator. Honestly, to me many of the techniques looked like a bunch of hypocrisy, pretending and outright lying. Dale says it is not pretending if you genuinely mean it, but then again who genuinly likes and takes deep interest in ALL the people they meet?
I like the ideas of trying to see the situation from the other's person point of view and how everyone is always 100% sure they are right, and how one should avoid direct arguments, or contradicting people, even if they are blatantly wrong, but should always leave a door open for them to 'save face'. Also the idea that people mostly like to talk about the most important thing in the world to them - themselves, is useful, and one should be a good listener and let them talk.
I listened to this book in audio format and I wish the summaries of each section were separate files which one can re-listen to every once in a while, without needing to go through the whole book with all the stories and examples. All in all an interesting book, and gives you a good foundation, but I am of the opinion that there are many better books today for personal growth and people skills. However, this one was the first.
I didn't like the numbering and groupings of concepts like "three techniques in handling people", "nine ways to change people" etc. I like the format, of stating a technique or principle, and then telling stories about how people have used them, though sometimes it takes an effort to relate them. It is obvious that many years of research and experience went into the book, and the groupings of principles probably came from Dale organizing his notes about different people's ways of doing a certain thing. I find it hard to believe that any of the people mentioned in the book uses ALL of the principles and techniques explained, a subset of them in the best case probably.
Many of the techniques could be derided as subtle (or not so subtle) forms of manipulation, like how to get people to think your idea is actually theirs, how to make them do what you want to without arousing resentment, how to take (or pretend to take?) genuine interest in their private lives and use that to put them at ease for whatever goal you have. Of course, these principles can be used by a well intentioned person, but also the way is free for them to be used by an unscrupulous manipulator. Honestly, to me many of the techniques looked like a bunch of hypocrisy, pretending and outright lying. Dale says it is not pretending if you genuinely mean it, but then again who genuinly likes and takes deep interest in ALL the people they meet?
I like the ideas of trying to see the situation from the other's person point of view and how everyone is always 100% sure they are right, and how one should avoid direct arguments, or contradicting people, even if they are blatantly wrong, but should always leave a door open for them to 'save face'. Also the idea that people mostly like to talk about the most important thing in the world to them - themselves, is useful, and one should be a good listener and let them talk.
I listened to this book in audio format and I wish the summaries of each section were separate files which one can re-listen to every once in a while, without needing to go through the whole book with all the stories and examples. All in all an interesting book, and gives you a good foundation, but I am of the opinion that there are many better books today for personal growth and people skills. However, this one was the first.
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