"I don't want to talk about it" by Terrence Real

I read this book on a recommendation, and I found it very valuable, but not in the self-help paradigm which the title would suggest. The author is a Harvard-trained psychotherapist specializing in family therapy, and both his vast knowledge, clinical experience and a very bitter personal experience growing up as a boy and having to learn first-hand that 'boys don't cry' and 'a real man shows no pain' despite the circumstances. The main value of this book is in the fact that for the first time clearly and succinctly states that men are just as depressed and just as vulnerable and just as oppressed by the society growing up, as women are. Enough of the bullshit about 'the stronger sex', about men being somehow more able to control their feelings and less prone to being emotional, depressed or irrational. That is all baloney! Real cites studies that show during the first two years of development of babies, that is before they start understanding they are of one sex or another, male babies are actually more emotional, more sensitive and more vulnerable than female babies. It is only through the oppression of the societal stereotypes, often in the hands of well-meaning, but hopelessly ignorant, parents and relatives that the societal stereotypes for men and women are forced upon the children. The children are literally chiseled, with all the blood, gore and pain to accompany it, to fit into the societal stereotypes, and being forced to castrate entire segments of their personalities and sensitivities and their full self-expression, just because 'the society' has its own ideas of how exactly men should look like and act like.

This book is a great addition to the fledgling Men's movement, and goes a long way to show grizzled feminists that the man's side of the story is no fairy tale, and is just as full of pain, denial and oppression, albeit in a different manner, than the woman's side. Real goes on to show how socially 'adapted' men, who look great from a distance, and seem to have everything under control and going great for them, are actually internal wrecks, who medicate themselves with intoxicants, relationships, workaholism and abuse. The book shows how covert depression in men is much more dangerous than overt depression in men and women, as covertly depressed men numbed their senses to such an extent that they are not even aware that they are depressed, and would never admit to it in a million years.

The only critique of the book would be that, although it provides plenty of case studies and personal experiences of the author, it leaves little material to men/readers to work with. I guess it was never imagined to be a self-help book in the strictest sense of the word, but more of a 'realization' book, intended to make the male reader realize his problems, and then seek professional help. Recommended to all men, and the women who love them, out there.